하랑 <3

harang – God’s love (:

An Damaris <3 Jesus

 

stationary

sometimes i feel like a lump which is not moving forward at all. i wanna talk to her again, but i find myself lack of courage. or perhaps, it’s pride. it hurts. and i just wanna run away from that. but i’m thankful that God is always there to comfort me.

i feel more like a lump when i am not doing what i promise God. i’m not doing the right things but acting like a nonchalant freak. even an outward-looking and joyful spirit is hard for me to do.

i know that my conviction is being tested again.

God, i need a divine intervention.

An Damaris <3 Jesus

 

why is it damn hot in the middle of winter?! my mom is even turning on the fan lol.

and too many mosquitoes!

gonna have a night chat to Jesus after i brush my teeth! (:

An Damaris <3 Jesus

ah~ really in love Rainy Blue! <3

 

Possibility

BoA’s latest single is named Possibility which will be included in her coming Japanese album this Feb. i’m hooked to the song. i personally think that it’s a really good song and BoA is really cool and pretty with short hair in the PV. hope that she will get no.1 on Oricon Chart once the album is out. i like BoA HAHA!

though it appears to be no link lol, the song’s title reminds me how powerful God is. He can make everything possible even though it seems impossible. so i will continue to hope! :D

my birthday was over, but really it was a blessed birthday x). thank You God for letting me be born and have Jesus <3. and my lifegroup really know how to surprise me. they made an overseas phone call to me to wish me a happy birthday <3. i should have recorded it down lol. i didn’t know what to say but just laughed, said ‘thank you’ and asked who were there. i couldn’t think, perhaps it’s been quite some time since i spoke English LOL! though it was short, i felt really loved and it kept me grinning for the whole evening lol. thank you! <3 *grins* i miss them man~ and Sandy’s phone bill should have shot up LOL.

my mom got me MIROTIC DVD of DBSK and Younha’s latest album xD. she got it for free cuz her Korean friend refused to take the money. still, she claimed that she had already bought me those things by her embarrassment lol.

now i need to do laundry -_____-

An Damaris <3 Jesus

Rainy Blue by Tokunaga Hideaki is a great song too even though it’s old-school (1986 lol).

 

a dusty trip

yesterday i was on a trip by motorbike to a pottery-making village which lies on the outskirts of my city. it is called ‘village’ but now the modern and wealthy lifestyle has spread so largely into the region. perhaps due to the fact that it has become a tourists’ spot. the trip was enjoyable despite the dusty journey from my house. man, how polluted my city is! and the winter scent and the cold wind were awesome too.     

they sell various things which were made by the villagers there. vases, bowls, spoons, pots, plates… all are from clay but the end products are very pretty.

 

the blue vase is my fav :D

i got scolded by some shop owners for taking photos and not buying anything from them lol. a lot of other pretty things but i didn’t get to capture them with my lousy cam and non-friendly sellers there HAHAHA! anyway, i got some things for my home and my lg (:

oh, i attempted in making pottery too! from a piece of clay. the way they make it into a bowl/cup/mug/whatever looks super easy but when i tried, nothing came out lol. the clay just got more distorted. it was difficult ):< 

my end product was still a piece of clay =____=

HAHA, but it was fun!  

;

my mom has finished knitting a wool beanie for me :D. i am trying to learn knitting which is really hard. my fingers just wanna get numb :/

i’m trying to make my time count here with more housework and most of all, i wanna enjoy it. :D

An Damaris <3 Jesus

 

HAHAHA!

i’m reading an interview with Junsu’s mom about her ideal daughter-in-law and it is making me grin :D

that’s not because Su is my fav (forever is Minnie!) but i saw how Su’s family and his dream are Christ-centred (:

☆ The condition of the bride to be?
-A Christian lady who believes in God. <~ omg, this is the first and foremost condition!
-A person who can support her husband well in every possible way for his best.
-A person with a good nature.
-If she can play piano well, it will be nice.
-Would be even better if she can play sports well.

☆ Something mom think that twins should do? <~ this is because Su has a fraternal twin brother.
Do their best in what they do in life, without holding any regrets.
Continue to keep their brotherly love a lot and eternally and live
authentic life.
Always believe in Jesus Christ and keep their faith, trust Christ always and live fulfilling life. <~ amen!

☆ If Junsu says that he want to quit being a singer?
Please encourage him together by telling him to continue it because it
is his “God-given vocation”.

source credit: tomomama+sharingyoochun.net+xiahbaidu
trans by: Junsulv@OneTVXQ.com
shared by: OneTVXQ.com

furthermore, thank You God for Your healing! my ex-roommate is now free from leukemia and has returned to school :D. i’ll sure pay her a visit when i’m back to Singapore. prayers are powerful. :D

An Damaris <3 Jesus

man, why is Minnie’s family Buddhist? lol!

 

Upon This Rock

i’m listening to Upon This Rock sung by Changminnie in the boys’ concert (: . lol, he got a chance to shine by having a solo performance. by the way, i really hope that when he sang that, he meant it with all his heart to God. haaaaaaaa~, he’s Buddhist (by default lol). whatever~. i’m pretty sure that he got to see God through his 4 other members :D. i pray that he will cross the line of faith soon (like Jae, who was previously an atheist!).

though his English is pretty off [LOL! i had to search for the lyrics in order to understand what he sang!], it really moves me. i was reminded again that it’s so important to live according to God’s principles. for human beings, never ever sinning is impossible. but i wanna be aware of what i do, so that i won’t sin without knowing. i wanna live a Christ-centred life. 

God spoke to me last night and He nudged me again about forgiveness. to be honest, i was judgmental and harsh upon a person. i wasn’t going to accept what she has done. and i know i failed God again. i let the thought of having compassion slip away. though she’s gonna leave soon, i will stop being harsh on her! as if i hadn’t lied ever before. well, young teens now are more unexpected lol. i sounded like i was really a grown-up.

;

man, i’m seriously bored at home. i think i’m gonna read The Case for Christ once more :D. it’s an interesting book. but for an easy-to-be-intrigued person like me, i’d love reading new books. HAHA! and i need to do more housework. climbing the stairs and carrying piles of clothes to hang at my house’s balcony on the fourth floor already made me pant.

and it’s weird to see a heavy downpour in the middle of winter like today.

it’ll soon turn to dusk though it’s only 4 30 p.m. annyong~ i’m gonna maintain my level of hygiene soon lol! winter is such a difficult condition to do so =P

An Damaris <3 Jesus

 

ah~

the weather is sure chilly. that makes the air fresher than what is in Singapore HAHA [i sure miss that place with the people. hope everyone is well. ah~]. though my morning wakeup time is no earlier than 9 [lol], i’m thankful that the fresh and raw air is always still around. AHHHHHH~ have a deep breath every morning!

i’m on Deuteronomy right now and that is really an interesting book of God’s Word. it kinda gave me a new insight of God who here  is… scary lol. but feeling scared towards Him isn’t the correct thing.

ah~ it’s reverence.

isn’t it frightening that once a person commits a sin, God will send many curses upon him? at first, i thought so. after a while, God spoke to me and reminded me of this “it’s not that you don’t sin because you are afraid of the consequences. you don’t sin because you love God”. HAHA, that was during the shepherding at smu. ah~ (:

and it’s really crappy that i’m still struggling with love.

however, God is really cute and sweet too! in Deut 24:5! lol. it’s really like Korean drama kind of thing. upon that verse, i grinned :DDDDD. ah~ haha! God is really thoughtful.

i need to go to bed now. and a train outside just honked, which gave a kind of misty atmosphere at night here.

goodnight! :D

An Damaris <3 Jesus

ah~ i missed a chance to tell my dad more about Jesus.

 

pre and post coming home

PRE:

- i had a really great sunday with mila! i think we spent time sitting and talking than anything else lol. at Taka, at Kino, at ION and at monologue [got chased out after a while lol].

- the whole night and the day after were spent for packing and clearing my room. thank God for my ex-roommate and her friend who came to help. i stayed overnight at my ex-roommate house [i was homeless lol] and she told me that she has accepted Jesus! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. she kept telling me how the pastor’s preaching had touched her heart and made her tear. i was amazed how awesome God is. but it’s funny that she didn’t know she’d become a Christian once she say the sinner’s prayer. well, i guess she was right cuz being a true Christian isn’t just with that prayer alone. all in all, may she experience God more and grow to love Him the days to come! x)

- i was leaving for home the next day. my lifegroup set me up and i unknowingly destroyed their surprise plan lol. my landlord offered me and my luggage a ride to J8 [i thought we'd be having lunch there!] while my lifegroup showed up at my door HAHAHA! but i am thankful for them who…are just simply my lifegroup haha! <3 they themselves still caught me offguard, made such a feast for me for lunch, helped me carry my heavy luggage, sent me off, made me laugh and cry [lol, i almost when saying grace :| ]. thank God for Janelle, Mila, Emelia, Limin, Aubrey and Hannqian who came to send me off too! it sucked that i cried there even though i had mentally told myself not to tear up there because of goodbyes lol.

*flies*

*time transition* [lol]

*at home*

now i’m sitting on my couch again with my slow internet connection. it’s kinda embarrassing to say that i’ve been rotting at home most of the time in front of my TV which fortunately has cable lol.

- anyway, i thank God for the short chat i had some days ago with my dad about Jesus. part of me was afraid that he’d ask some tricky questions or sth beyond my knowledge about Christianity, about God, about Jesus or simply that i’d not know how to explain in my language HAHA. but phew~ i was able to answer him. i was so excited that my heart was beating really fast, while i still needed to keep a cool expression. my mouth almost stretched into a big grin lol. however, weirdly enough, my dad brought up buddha and the da vinci code, which i barely know about HAHA.

- i got some addresses of some old folks’ homes and orphanages. thank God there is one very near to my house. now the issue is how to tell my parents. the courage problem again! =\

- i’ve finised reading The Case for Christ. only in one week since i came home. i should have bought more books. too much TV isn’t a good thing and a lot of things there are plain slapstick.

- and i need to grow more in love. crap, i am easily annoyed with my dad and it is damn hard for me to love him. fyi, i got scolded by him for not cooking lol! i went totally whattheheck.

on another note, i dropped my comb into the toilet and it was gone since i unknowingly flushed the toilet LOL. my mom kept complaining abt that.

okay, that’s it. i need to go to bed HAHA.

An Damaris <3 Jesus

 

LEVEL UP! never will it be ‘game over’

lol, the title is the same as the the photo album’s name on fb!

anyway, continuing from the previous post, i did lie down on my bed, i did think… only for a while, then the sleeping monster dragged me to the lala land and i just couldn’t resist LOL. from 3 p.m to 11 p.m.

so much of wanting to think lol!

LEVEL UP was so short! though i really dread the fatigue due to lack of sleep, i really want the camp to be longer. the more i thought about the camp and the more i reflected on what i learnt, i think everything could be summed up as ‘hunger more and more for God’ – to me and people who needs Him,  to whom i pray that God will help me reach out.

the teaching about Friendship Outreach ‘poked’ me so hard that i … ‘ouch-ed’ lol. not in a literal sense haha! the fact is that what i have done in outreaching didn’t carry enough the ‘friendship’ factor, which is essential here. to be honest, i do love telling people about God, i do love sharing to them how God has moved in my life and i do want them to know Jesus as their Bestfriend. but if  it just stops at that ‘i sth, i sth, i sth’, one whole point is being overlooked. i do not establish relationship with people, how can i connect them to God through me? that’s when friendship comes in and that’s where God is telling me to grow, exactly where i’ve been failing at. it’s true that i pray for my friends that God will continue knocking and working in their hearts. however, i realised that i didn’t do enough just with praying. it’s like God has given me strength through my prayer, but i refused to utilise this strength, i refused to take that courage :/. in a practical sense, i failed to plan and to spend time with them just after being rejected once. well, a particular once haha!

this further links to having more love and compassion for people, which is where i’ve been struggling and need to grow in. well, it’s not explicit that i don’t love people. sometimes i just choose to remain ignorant to things happening around me and be content with what i have. sometimes i just choose to stay in my comfort zone. and God told me that i lack courage to step out of my self-centredness and to love. some days after the camp, when i was taking shower, i had a revelation that i am so privileged and fortunate to be able to bathe by myself  with hot and fast running water. that thought kinda pained me and i ouch-ed again…illiterally HAHA. that thought also made me rethink of my plans for this holiday in my hometown. i initially wanted to have some job and earn money but i’ve decided to push that away. i will spend really good time with my parents when they are home at night. i will try not to argue with them or talk back to them LOL, but really i wanna show them Jesus in me (: . i’d like to help out in old folks’ homes and orphanages and speak God’s language. and if given a chance, i’d like to travel along my country alone or go to the countryside to plant vegetables xD. i hope that i’ll really do and not just talk! this reminds me of a sentence in the devotion guide ‘when God asks us to love Him, He did not seek merely for a verbal response but a life reaction‘ (: let my time in the hometown count, God!

additionally, God spoke to me about humility and my own insecurity the last night of camp. to be honest, i was very sleepy when pastor Jeff was teaching [the captain's ball game in the afternoon was really tiring :|]. thank God for Merv’s Pringles which helped  to keep me awake. lol i kept munching on his food whenever my eyelids were about to droop! anyway, i was brought back to the focus again when pastor Jeff talked about humility and servanthood. very often i subconsciously dwell in my inadequacies and see myself as inferior to others, not knowing that i dwell in my pride at the same time! also very often i am insecure that i am not leading anyone. but not leading anyone doesn’t mean that i can’t serve God! i believe that i am still being moulded by God in both character and competence through servanthood. (and Moses is truly a humble and loving man who i have so much to learn from. haha, that’s kinda off! i really wonder at what he did for the Israelites in Numbers. if i was him, neither would i care if they have enough food and water nor even pray for them. they were such irritating complainers lol.)

what Matthias prayed for me really compelled me to be salt and light. i ought to be more outward-looking and shine for God. i am pretty much clueless at what i can do but i am sure that the Holy Spirit will lead me; and i need to follow the voice of the Spirit and not my own. another thing is about having joy as well, which is a way to testify Jesus in my life :D! God’s joy = strength.

Solution which we sang during Regeneration really said of me. i wanna have His heart to love, i wanna be His hands and feet to serve, i wanna be His light to shine. (:

i wouldn’t say Level Up is the camp which i had the most intimate time with God but surely God has greatly touched my heart and spoken to me. and i’m thankful for such time in which i enjoyed God’s overwhelming presence and fellowship with my lifegroup and unit people :D.

OH NO, I FORGOT TO RETURN MILA AND SANDY THE ICE-CREAM MONEY! LOL!

-_- i just realised that when i recall how our lifegroup was really blessed to win the whole bucket of ice-cream lol!

more or less, i could say that my camp objectives are pretty much fulfilled (: , and God is so good to give me more learning and insight than i could ever ask. thank You God! :D

;

this is a kinda late entry cuz what i typed was lost ;(

nonetheless, i’ve jotted down what i’ve learnt from camp! :D

An Damaris <3 Jesus